Doppelganger Mayhem Ensues
by lalunaticscribe
Summary: Previously known as There are Two Abarai Renjis. Sequel to There are Two Kuchiki Taichous. For every known Shinigami, there is a Youkai Doppleganger. What happens when the Shinigami meets their clone?
1. First Victim: Abarai Renji

Doppelganger Mayhem

_**Sequel to There Are Two Kuchiki Taichous. Please note that this is another spinoff of My New Wife's Not Human. Thank you for reading, now on to the story.**_

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"Uh...... what?"

This was Kazumi Ryuuhito's reaction to Yamamoto's proposal. Don't get him wrong.

The two old men were enjoying tea at the First Squad headquarters. Yeah right. Ryuuhito was just complaining about the restrictions placed by royal decree upon him; within good reason, as the person singlehandedly responsible for Soul Society's peace and part of the economy should not start murdering everyone in his path, especially after the debacle with the Royal Guard. Oh, and the now retired 26th Head of the Kazumi family had better things to do than paperwork all day. So this left one option: train the Eleventh Squad. Or, get laid before attempting to massacre Seireitei. Sadly, the first option was cancelled, seeing as no one in their right mind wanted being near the receiving end of the sword.

This left the less than desirable second option. Not one to contemplate.

"No way, Yama. I'll get the lay when my wife gets back." Still he was bored… "I wish we could wreck some mayhem…" the seed of an idea began to sprout… "Say, there was this lieutenant that looked just like me in my younger days, right?"

"What? Oh, you mean Abarai Renji. Yes, he does look surprisingly like you, oh say, 2000 years ago. Why?" Yamamoto was right to be suspicious; His Kitsune friend had proven that with a bit of makeup, one person can look a whole lot different. Given to that the Kitsune was over 3000 years old, and was capable of casting long-term illusions, it could mean a whole lot of mayhem. "You would need a whole lot of makeup to disguise yourself. And no, no casting illusions."

"Okay, no casting illusions." Ryuuhito said, smiling.

_His smile looked a little bit too suspicious_, Yamamoto decided.

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The next day, Renji was early. _The end of the world has come,_ Byakuya decided.

The weird thing was, Renji then sat at his desk immediately and began writing. Then, he actually finished a pile of work _faster_ than Byakuya before he stepped out of the office.

Five minutes later, a much harried Abarai Renji ran into the office, with an excuse for being late.

"But Renji, you just reported for work half an hour ago." Byakuya said, surprised.

"Huh? No, Taichou, I was cutting my hair at the barber's."

_Huh. And his writing was neat._ The writing was neater than Byakuya's own. _The end of the world has really come._

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Abarai, didn't I just see you head to the Ninth?"

"Abarai, weren't you chatting with Soi Fon Taichou just then?"

"Renji, weren't you at the Third Squad's headquarters just five minutes ago? Here's the paperwork to prove it."

Renji was going crazy. All day long, there was a bastard going around with his face, and his voice, and his attitude, and his work and all his skills. This was strange, even for Soul Society. He was sure that no, Kazumi Chiaki wasn't walking about; it would be Kuchiki Taichou's face. Now, who was the only person who could possibly pull off such an act…

The light bulb lit; Kazumi Ryuuhito. However, there was one snag; he was over 2000 years old. So, Renji decided to report this strange occurrence to the SouTaichou, along with the strange story of the funny incidents about the haunted pen in the ninth Squad's office.

So, he walked to the First Squad headquarters, bumping into someone that solved all his problems immediately: Himself.

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Renji stared at the very good carbon copy of himself. The clone of him stared back.

He raised his left hand. The clone raised its right, so it looked like a mirror image.

Right hand; left corresponding.

Stupid face; ditto.

Then the clone grinned, and scarpered.

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"Freeze!!!! Don't Move!!! You bastard with my face on!!!" Renji screamed as he shunpo'ed after himself.

The first Renji pass Hisagi. "Hey, Abarai, what's the rush????"

The second Renji comes, rushing past Hisagi in a desperate attempt to catch the other Renji.

"Waa…" Hisagi blinked, rubbed his eyes and continued to stare behind. "What's going on..?"

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For a lookalike, he sure knew his shunpo, Renji had to admit. He had been chasing it for two full hours already and yet it still showed no sign of abating.

Then the weirdest thing happened; the lookalike stopped and turned around to face Renji, who couldn't brake in time. So, Renji crashed into it face first.

And so, they landed right in front of Hisagi with a camera. Hisagi snapped the photo and ran off to place it on the face of Soul Society's largest publication. So the next day, two Renjis made it to the front page of the Shinigami Monthly, along with the screaming headline Doppelgangers: An Affair of Two Lieutenants.

Needless to say, Renji got shredded. Kuchiki Taichou did not take lightly his Lieutenant and another Lieutenant on the front page.

And, Ryuuhito got burned. Of course, Yamamoto sent him to the Fourth Squad, but whatever.

But, the Doppelganger mystery was never solved, and Renji was assumed to have been Frenching with a doll.

But, Ryuuhito would never forget the young whelp's expression when he began kissing on his own accord. Even if later on, he would feel guilt and a bit of embarrassment.


	2. A Convenient Continuation

However, that was not the focus of the story. _This_ is.

"You bastard, I'm gonna drag you to the SouTaichou beaten to the bloody pulp you are!!!" Renji shouted as he ran after the doppelganger/Ryuuhito for the second time today.

Of course, after giving Renji the second, no, make that third shock of his young one-century life, the trimillennial Ryuuhito was having one of the best times of his life. Not somewhere at the top (the best was with the Vasto Lorde; followed by the Captain of the Royal Guard himself), but definitely in the middle, and worth pulling out to chuckle over in the foreseeable future.

So, after about three hours with Renji on his tail, he decided that it needed a bit more spice next time.

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	3. Second Victim: Kuchiki Rukia

_Second Victim: Rukia_

Ukitake Juushirou, Captain of the Thirteenth Squad, was moments away from a heart attack.

Not that he wasn't always. In fact, compared to his coughing fits, which always resulted in a mad dash by the Fourth Squad, a heart attack would literally be a godsend.

Another godsend was his de facto lieutenant, Kuchiki Rukia, who proved to be every bit as efficient as his previous one. Unfortunately, he couldn't reward her with a raise; Byakuya would find out, and he would be forced to appoint an official lieutenant. Considering that the only two possible candidates were out of the question, it was certainly much better to keep things as they were. Which brings us to the story of the next coughing fit/heart attack/ possible putting out of misery.

Now, his second godsend walks in. Kuchiki Rukia, every bit as short as she ever was, but she looks shorter under the thick pile of paperwork she was carrying. The paperwork was so high that her entire face was obscured. She placed the work on the table, and left. Nothing so spectacular, right?

WRONG.

Ukitake started wondering when Rukia reached a speed where an afterimage was left behind. Barely a minute later, had Kuchiki Rukia run in, apologizing for having misplaced forms that were currently sitting on the table.

"Huh? Rukia, didn't you just brought in the work?" Ukitake asked, puzzled.

His confusion reached new peaks when the other Rukia left confusedly and again, a ceiling-high pile was brought in ten seconds later by _Kuchiki Rukia_.

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Ukitake was confused. Double the midget. A lame joke if there ever was one.

Okay, maybe not, since this one was wearing a flu mask and the other was not. Now, which was the most authentic…?

"Er, Rukia, weren't you on the way to the Sixth Squad to as Renji?" he asked.

"Huh? No, not like this…"

"What is it? Come on, tell me." Ukitake said with his counsellor instincts raring to go.

"Er… actually….."Now Rukia looked close to tears.

For those who do not know this universal truth: People who make little girls cry are automatically assumed to be bad. It's instinct ingrained by TV. So, naturally, Ukitake panics, having no experience on how to deal with women whatsoever (plus no tact).

"Eh, what? Please, don't cry!! Just tell me!!! Do you want some tea??!!??"

"No, it's not that. Actually, I don't have a cold, but….." here 'Rukia's' eyes filled with tears again.

"What?"

"On my last trip to the human world…. An accident happened, and…." Tears begin to drip down. Ukitake suddenly wondered if Byakuya was around; even if Ukitake was older, he doubted if Byakuya would forgive anyone who made his sister cry.

"Am I pretty?"

This question threw him. "Of course. Why?" Common sense number one: When this is asked, agree. Even if it ain't true.

Now, she leaned in. Hooking the mask off her ear, she asked, _sotto vace_: "Even like this?"

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two hours later, after a coughing fit, blood spatters, two panicking third seats, and another mad dash to the infirmary, Ukitake woke up sweating buckets of cold sweat.

"Ukitake Taichou, you're up." Rukia, the first person who walked in and saw him having an attack on the floor, not to mention called the medics, came and walked towards him. "That's great…."

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get away from me!!!" the normally calm Ukitake Juushirou shouted, scrambling as far back from Rukia as much as he could.

"What's up with him?" Rukia asked the nearby nurse.

"Apparently he was screaming something about large teeth and completely hideous or something like that….."

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Five miles away in an underground bar, a Kuchisake Onna dressed in the Shinigami shihakusho was regaling Youkai with her latest adventure in Seireitei. Among the cacophony of the bar, one could hear the click-clack of her large teeth as she talked on:

"….So I showed the guy my teeth and before I could give him some of his own, believe it or not, he had a tuberculosis attack right there and then!!! He could still escape!!!"

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_**A Kuchisake Onna is a Youkai which looks like a woman, with extremely large teeth. Think of a bear's, then you'll get the idea.**_


	4. Third Victim: Matsumoto Rangiku

Third Victim: Matsumoto Rangiku

_**It has come to my attention that there are a lot of anonymous reviews. While encouraged, it is appreciated that the reviewers please use a username so that I can thank them. Even more appreciated is the use of proper grammar. For example:**_

Phppsmss say that: lol **this is** OC is pretty amusing.

_**WTF **__**does**__** this mean?????Now this:**_

Krusnik Nightlord: Hello! It's been a while since I read Bleach fanfics and I would just like to say how hilarious this story is. I mean it is simply hard not to laugh. I do hope there's more to it because it's one of the best. Keep up the good work and I hopefully expect more good works in the future. ^.^

_**This, my friends, is a work of art to be prized for eternity. **_

_**Thank you for reading this announcement. Now on to the story.**_

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Normally, Hitsugaya Toushirou, Captain of the Tenth Squad, would be yelling at his Lieutenant, Matsumoto Rangiku, throughout the whole morning to stop drinking and get on with the work. This has happened so often that the Tenth Squad is the only squad regularly visiting the Fourth Squad for hearing checkups. This also makes Captain Hitsugaya the only Captain regularly visiting the Fourth Squad for throat checkups.

Today, Hitsugaya was silent for _the whole morning_. The Squad freaked. Had the Captain lost his voice?

Sure, there was the sake on the Lieutenant's table, with an assortment of sweet foods along with it. Sure, Matsumoto was in the same room as the sake.

No, the sake was _not disappearing_. Lieutenant Matsumoto was sitting at her desk, doing the work _quietly_. _The apocalypse was here_.

This freaked the Captain out. Not even the threat of Hollows could make her work faster, so what was up with this Matsumoto that finished her work before him? This was not right; Hitsugaya nearly considered sending her to the Fourth Squad to check for mental breakdowns. Also, the sweets was disappearing faster, not the sake. Considering that Matsumoto never really ate normal sweets (see Inoue's cooking), this was even weirder.

Being fond of sweets himself, Hitsugaya took one off the plate and was about to bite it when it was stolen out of his hand. He turned and saw the sweet disappearing into the hair in his Lieutenant's head.

Contrary to first impression, this is not a typo error.

As he looked closer, he noticed the powdered sugar coating a few orange locks. For those who don't know, Matsumoto takes very good care of her hair. The chances of finding food stuck to it were nil, practically. So, he looked closer.

He actually saw a mouth stuck to the back of 'Matsumoto's neck. The mouth was chewing…the sweets.

"Taichou, why are you looking at my neck?" The mouth asked. The one _on the back_.

Hitsugaya fainted.

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"Ara, Hitsugaya Taichou, you're awake." Captain Unohana said as Hitsugaya woke up in the infirmary.

"Where's Matsumoto?" He asked, hoping that the one with _one_ mouth, and _not two_, was here.

"She's where she was five minutes ago; in the infirmary." Unohana replied.

"Huh?"

"She apparently had a hangover last night, so she came here first thing in the morning for treatment." Unohana answered, amused. "Why?"

"Nothing…..just that she was in my office, doing her work quietly…" _or maybe I really need a break…._

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Another five miles away, the Kuchisake Onna high-fived a Futakuchi Onna at a bar.

"See, I told you, it's funny!!! Seeing those reactions rock!!!"

"I really agree….Perhaps the Nopperabo should go next time?"

"Those? They normally work in groups, so…. Maybe a group of people…"

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_**And, Hitsugaya falls to the pranks of the Futakuchi Onna.**_


	5. Fourth Victim: Kuchiki Byakuya

LaLunaticScribe presents:

**Fourth Victim: Kuchiki Byakuya **

It was Saturday. Typical of Saturday, Ichigo willingly brought Rukia out to shop.

Wrong word; He unwillingly brought her out to shop. Initially, he had planned to stay home and catch up on his schoolwork. Unfortunately, his girlfriend, Rukia, dragged him out to see the Karakura Mall's Chappy Fair. Needless to say, he didn't have a choice when faced with the bunny-obsessed midget Shinigami. So he was stuck in the middle of a Chappy-obsessed crowd (who knew bunny syndrome was catching), bored out of his mind.

The carrot top's eyes drifted through the crowd, not fixing onto anything until the costume shop nearby, where a familiar lock of black hair on a particular male head attracted his attention….

"Byakuya??!!" Ichigo exclaimed out loud, shocked. That particular Byakuya lookalike was dressed in a tasteful white striped silk shirt, the tail ends hanging out of his jeans. No, he was not wearing a kenseikans, but then, few could pull off such a casual look with the 'Better than you' attitude this one was exuding. 'Byakuya' was accompanied by a four-foot-ten little girl. Sorry, judging from the curves the 'little girl' had, plus the mature attire (short skirt paired with sleeveless top), that was not very accurate. Ichigo's exclamation had not attracted their attention.

However, it had attracted the attention of another midget not far away.

"Nii Sama? Here?" Rukia asked, looking around. Catching sight of the lookalike, she gasped. "Why is Nii Sama here? And with another woman?" (Sorry, deep inclination to stick with fanfic.)

"That's not the point!!! Look at what their buying!!" Ichigo said excitedly, fishing out his handphone camera to snap a shot.

Rukia took a good look, going as near as she dared to move. "What's up with it? Its bunny ears, that's all."

"Rukia, how many other costumes come with a form-fitting leotard, fishnet stockings, and practically screams _hooker_?" Ichigo replied. "It's Byakuya, ain't it?"

Just then, Rukia's phone rang, and she answered it. "Eh? Nii Sama?"

"What?' Ichigo asked, his vision turning from the phone, to the rather weird 'Byakuya' openly touching his companion. In fact, the lookalike hand was all but shoved underneath the skirt. "Byakuya is right here!"

"No, he's in Soul Society. Oh, pass the phone to Ichigo? Okay. Oi, Ichigo, Nii Sama wants to speak tov you.' Rukia said, passing the tiny handset to him.

"Kurosaki Ichigo." Byakuya said on the other side of the line. "What is going on there?"

"Well, looks like there's a lookalike of you buying a Bunny costume."

There was a small disgusted sound, accompanied by coughing. "Tell me about the costume."

"it practically screams 'hooker'. Listen, are you really talking, because I got some extremely embarrassing pictures and…"

Right on cue, a Senkaimon opened and Kuchiki Byakuya stepped out.

"Eh? Byakuya?" Ichigo asked.

Byakuya turned to the lookalike, whose eyes actually widened.

"Die." That was the only word Byakuya said.

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The group of them made it through three streets, five rooftops, and ten fire escapes before Byakuya pinned the imposter on the sixth rooftop.

"Sempai, please refrain from open molestation of your wife in public. Even if you do not care about your reputation, please wear your glasses." Byakuya muttered as he hauled off and slugged the lookalike.

"There are two of you?" Ichigo dumbly asked, looking back and forth from the two Byakuyas.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Unfortunately, Ichigo's surprise did not extend much.

The following day, The Shinigami Monthly printed record breaking front-page news:

"Two Byakuyas found"

News:

"Kuchiki Byakuya has bunny fetish."

And the last one:

"Kurosaki Ichigo found bleeding to death. Cause of injury has been confirmed to be from a thousand and one wounds. Witnesses claim that Ichigo did not defend himself."


	6. Fifth Victim: The Kuchiki House

_**What happens when they pull it too far…and court the wrath of another house.**_

An awkward silence hung in the Main room in which the Elders of the Kuchiki House convened with their head of house, which had accidentally lost his cup –more accurately, crushed it to dry powder, and it was still holding water-and was possibly, quite possibly, angry; angry enough to ignore the profuse bleeding in his hand anyway.

'I assure you, Lord Kuchiki, that it is perfectly normal for married couples to…' the aged Elder speaking was silenced immediately with a glare sent in his direction, a glare such that promised instant death upon another spoken word.

'The concern here is not about your marital problems, Lord Kuchiki.' Another aged one spoke up regardless. 'The point here is to question exactly why the esteemed Lord was sighted in Rukongai, apparently holding hands with this…_mongrel_.' He finished, stabbing an aged claw towards a very noticeable mane of red hair tied up in a ponytail.

Renji better have that hospital bed booked fast, Byakuya decided, as he scanned the picture. 'Where was this picture taken?' he asked condescendingly, as if pitying the supplier.

'District Six, South Rukongai, just two days ago, in midday.' The man replied.

'Amazing. Here is photographic proof that I am supposedly in a…_relationship_ with my Lieutenant, on the _very_ _same_ _day_ I happen to be in a Captains-only meeting under the scrutiny of nine of the Gotei Juusantai's strongest warriors.' Byakuya said, voice dripping with venom.

'And before you can think of how that happened, allow me to present a visitor of ours today, who is liable to be very angry and have the use of possibly violent and wholly unreasonable legal procedures at hand to pull us in court for alleged violation of privacy in a bid to carry out his own brand of justice.' He added, the ghost of a smirk hanging around as threads of reiatsu, thick and dense as a poison mist, descended in the room, wrapping its tendrils around the occupants' senses. Only Byakuya, who used his scarf as a filter, managed to sit still without keeling over in fright and terror, as some of the more senior ones were apparently doing.

When the shoji screens slid open, several Elders blinked, rubbed their eyes, and thought they must be hallucinating, for it was impossible for two Kuchiki Byakuyas to exist, dressed in identical garb and wearing identical hair ornaments, and wearing the same rather proud expression. The only difference was where the Kuchiki head's eyes were shining a cold black of malice; the newcomer's shone a fiery gold, the illuminated eyes of the night promising vengeance.

'Now then, which one is it, Byakuya?' the newcomer whispered, his slightly higher tenor carrying across the room, heavily laden with the thought of death, blood and gore on a certain number of individuals. 'I have quite a mind to pull this case all the way to the courts, I assure you. I fancy that you will serve as an admirable witness, Byakuya, don't you think?' Kazumi Chiaki's voice still carried a whisper of malice.

Byakuya turned to his stunned Elders, noting their expressions and storing it away to have a quiet chuckle over sometime when he was alone, hands clapped together. 'Any other questions, gentlemen?'

'And which one called my friend a mongrel?' Chiaki helpfully supplanted, hands balled into fists so tightly that the crack was like successive gunshots. Several winced.

* * *

'You know, you really shouldn't dress up as Kuchiki Taichou.' Renji said out loud to the person he was sitting back-to-back to, his personal stalker from hell. 'Just yesterday he almost tried to gut me.'

'Nonsense.' The stalker replied, playing with a sketch book and number two pencil, doodling almost negligently. 'That was fun. And Byakko had an impeachable alibi anyway. Besides that, what should I dress up next, Ren?'

'Quit calling me diminutives, you somewhat psychotic monster. Just because I agreed to model for you doesn't mean you decide what to call me.' Renji hotly replied. 'Besides, what was the hand-holding for?'

'Improves your grip on the staff, of course. You're supposed to be the Son Goku, so how can the Monkey King not appear without his staff?' Chiaki stated this matter-of-fact.

'Listen here, Zabimaru is not a monkey, he's a damn baboon…'

'A Nue, actually. I was referring to your skeletal structure, your rather untameable attitude and the playfulness in which you live your day-to-day life, which, coincidentally, all are attributes of one of the characters from the Four Great Chinese Classics, and possibly the greatest legend in Chinese history.'

'I'm not a damn monkey!!!'

'I never said you were. Speaking of which, don't you think the last fellow was rather pitiful? He even forgot to turn the flash off.'

'Don't change the subject!!! Now, where were we?'

'In the midst of possibly jumping my bones, Ren? In that case, pray continue. '

'You, shut your mouth. I'm not allowed to attack a noble; otherwise I may have already done so.'

'So, you say, Ren, but that doesn't stop my advances, do they?'

'…'

'…'

'…'

'I rest my case, and the verdict is, not guilty. By the way, here's your settlement fee from the Kuchiki House.'

'Hey, thank…'

'Which, I might add, I received on your behalf, and thus it is now theoretically mine, which in that case it would be your salary for this job.'

'Shucks. What pose this time?'

'An attacking one, and if you don't get it right on the first try, remember where my hands go.'

* * *

Byakuya was positively livid as he pored over t6he next report; apparently, the sly fox was now fornicating about with his face on.

* * *

_**Stay tuned!!!**_

_**Son Goku is aka Sun Wukong, the legendary Monkey King from Journey to the West.**_


	7. Sixth Victim: Kusajishi Yachiru

**Sixth Victim: Kusajishi Yachiru**.

_**This is my first joint effort with beta in place. All thanks to Melanion for editing this fic, somehow improving this; now, I know why a good beta is a godsend…**_

_

* * *

_

'Hehe, Byakushi's house is so fun to play in!!!' Yachiru giggled, as she made her way through several hidden passages in the Kuchiki manor, the passages dusty with lack of use combined with age.

'Ne, now where could be a good place…?' she wondered as she turned another corner. 'Byakushi's turned us out again…'

She continued to wander, hitting dead ends here and there until she came up to the surface, where…

'Hi!!! I'm Yachiru!! Who are you?' Yachiru asked her. The servant was about Yachiru's height, dressed in red and white cotton robes affixed with the Kuchiki emblem. Large eyes faced the bubblegum-haired Lieutenant.

'Er…My name is Kinka. Are you an intruder?' the servant replied.

'No way; Byakushi always welcomes us!! He always looks with those cold eyes and stares as we party!!' Yachiru replied. 'Ne, do you know where we can set up headquarters? The Shinigami Women's Association need to find a new place as Byakushi sealed off our old room already.'

'Shinigami Women's Association?' Kinka repeated, as she dusted the room with the broom in her hand. 'In short, you do not have my master's permission to come here, right?'

'Hmmm…he always tells us to get out.' Yachiru happily replied. 'He also keeps giving candy to me! And all I have to do is turn up!'

'I see…' Kinka murmured, her face rearranging itself into an evil smile. 'In that case, why don't you stay here and sweep while I go out?'

'Okay!' Yachiru happily replied, grabbing onto the bag of cotton candy that Kinka threw at her general direction. Absorbed in the candy, Yachiru did not notice the Zashiki Warashi walk out…

* * *

'Ken Chan!! Ken Chan!!' a high squeaky voice called in the Eleventh Division. Kenpachi groaned audibly, suffering from a painful hangover. In the afternoon, of all times.

'What now, Yachiru?' the big scarred scary man called as a mass of bubblegum-haired toddler landed on his back.

'Ken Chan, why do you stink?' the toddler asked happily, while she secretly pulled out a bottle of diluted hydrogen peroxide, a brush, and a bucket of water behind her. The toddler was a hell stronger than she looked. 'Byakushi says you stink! He's right!! Stinky Ken Chan!!'

Kenpachi would have gotten up to rush for a certain noble's head immediately if it wasn't that he was suddenly drenched in water and…_soap_?

'I asked Clown Face for something strong enough to wash blood off! He said to drench you in this! They use it to wash the…big grey animals with the big ears and long nose. Ken Chan, get clean!'

Before a stunned Kenpachi could react, his little adopted daughter had bodily thrown him into the room's adjoining bathroom. He had never been sadder to hear the door bolt close, and never again will he forget the sight of the bubblegum-haired Lieutenant, evil smirk on her face, advancing over him with a huge brush…

* * *

'…In short, you are accusing me of encoding Lieutenant Kusajishi to give you a bath?' Kuchiki Byakuya repeated, stunned at the sight of a usually scruffy Kenpachi, now clean, and actually in passably neat robes that he was pretty sure was not actually Kenpachi's; no way the guy would take a bath and repair that haori.

On passing thought, Byakuya wondered about that psychologist thing Unohana Taichou was offering, and whether he was having a nightmare. Or rather, whether Kenpachi was insane, and finally coming to terms about his own scruffiness, and then he decided to get far away from the thought of Kenpachi ordering the Division to clean up after themselves...though that was a rather welcome thought. Even if it was the first sign of insanity.

'And you mentioned that she used…elephant soap?' He had to struggle not to laugh; the thought was too ludicrous.

'Yeah,' the Eleventh Captain curtly replied.

'In that case, I must sadly inform you that Lieutenant Kusajishi was here, at the Kuchiki Manor, all through the afternoon. My wife was entertaining her.'

'…' It was at these times the stoic noble almost wished for a camera to record Kenpachi's expression. The resulting silence was rather…still.

'So who was that that threw me in the bath?' Kenpachi all but yelled, confused.

* * *

'So, Kinka Chan, what did you do?' Yachiru asked as her doppelganger slid the screen closed.

The Zashiki Warashi blushed. 'Something to do with soap, Yachiru Chan. Ken Chan is calling for you.'

Kinka watched as the toddler rushed out into the hallway, finally out of sight as she chuckled to herself. Sometimes, the good Zashiki Warashi can be _very_ _naughty_…and very obsessive-compulsive. Kinka sighed; she was never going to get over her need to clean everything in sight.

Though she did blush a bit more when she recalled how she jumped into the water…

* * *

When Yachiru made her usually hyperactive entrance, Kenpachi was not paying attention to her, but to the screen behind. Some part of himself was pretty convinced that another Yachiru was standing behind the real Yachiru. His arms tingled from the strain of fighting in a bathtub of soap. His legs ached from kicking a seemingly unstoppable kid armed with a cleaning brush. Every part of him reacted to the kid immediately.

Then the kid grinned evilly, her grin clearly saying one thing: _get_ _the_ _hell_ _out_.

'Get the soap away!!!' the bell-headed Captain yelled, grabbing Yachiru by her collar and beating a hasty retreat, leaving Byakuya wide-eyed and surprised.

Once Kenpachi was out of earshot, Byakuya murmured, 'You really didn't have to scare someone like that.'

In the next room he could hear a child's laughter, seemingly young but echoing of a long time spent.

* * *

_**Hydrogen peroxide H2O2 is usually used to clean elephants. **_

_**A Zashiki Warashi is pretty obvious. As for what happened in the bathroom, just one word: soapland. See Wikipedia.**_

_**Melanion's comments: **_I keep hearing Numa Numa song and seeing Yachiru and Kenpachi doing the Numa dance in the soapy water... haha

**_To listen to the Numa Numa song, go to YouTube or 4shared._**


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